June 19 to June 28, 2015 Final Residency and Graduation

   
     As of August 25, 2015 I am a MFA. The last two years culminating in the Graduate Residency have been an intensely bittersweet experience. This period of constant critique and deep personal questioning has been both exhilarating and dispiriting. Though the experience was never what I expected, I wouldn't change any of it. As a person who longed for much of her adult life to be part of an art community, the residencies have been a time to be in a world of creative ideas outside of the demands of "real life". Long conversations about ideas, self-expression and processes over many glasses of wine could take place without any interference from practical concerns. Returning to studio practice after the residency was always a frustrating jerk back to reality, and the struggle to make relevant work.

     The Grad School experience was deeply transformative, but again, not in the way I expected. I went to Grad School wanting to make art about the universal struggles of humanity.  I was making work that referenced spiritual evolution, and reflected on alienation. It was suggested that I make work that was more personal. I made new work that addressed these themes through my own spiritual evolution. Since I admired artists who made work with political and social content, I also started making work that addressed my concerns about the social and cultural problems of American society. My attempts to make work with a political edge, as well as about my personal beliefs about spiritual evolution were both rated confusing, inconsequential, and bland.

         The disconnect between what I thought was an important theme in art and what I was expected to produce was profoundly disorienting. For the first time in my creative life I found myself without any idea about how to move forward. 

     The work of artists who addressed their personal experiences of racism, loss and political atrocities was inspiring; however, my experiences as a privileged, white, middle class female seemed petty and trivial. Why would I want to make art about that? This period of intense questioning of my beliefs and experience ultimately became the source for my thesis and graduate exhibition work: Homeland Insecurity. 

      Now that I am on the other side, I see the last two years as a constant see-saw between "I can do this", and "I'll never be able to do this". It was the most difficult experience of my work/school life. This is the crucible where sheer determination out-weighs any talent you aspire to have as an artist.

The most profound realization came several months after graduation. I expected the degree to give me a certain status as an artist in the world, and it does. Those three letters make me eligible to teach at the college level, and demonstrate a measurable level of knowledge and competence.  But surprisingly, I realized that it was really about me proving that to myself.  This accomplishment is not and end but a another beginning in the lifelong vocation of being an artist.

Read my thesis